Friday, January 31, 2014

A day in the life

I read the blog  Sometimes Sweet and she had this post about things to blog about if you're stumped. I am both a stumped and lazy blogger, so I think I'm going to do EVERYTHING ON THIS LIST. Because if Hollywood doesn't have to think of anything original, then neither do I. I'm not going to do this in order though.

The first one I chose to do is "Photo-an-hour". Basically you take one picture every hour for a day, then  put all of them in a post with little descriptions for each one. Taking a photo an hour takes a shitload of work and requires remembering to take a photo an hour, so instead I decided to just take a bunch of pictures of stuff today.

NOTE: I should have done this yesterday because today was shockingly boring. Yesterday it snowed, I broke the window on my dad's jeep, it was a hot mess. But my phone was also pretty much dead all day yesterday because I also broke my phone charger, so that's just how the world works. Anyway, here we go. This post is super image heavy because DUH. 


7:30 am. I was supposed to wake up at 7, but whatever. I am an unstoppable hurricane of fabulous, and I am ready to take on the day. (Sidenote: Unstoppable hurricane of fabulous is my new favorite phrase and I am 100% going to use it so much everyone will be annoyed. Just letting you know). 


On my way to work. I was supposed to leave at 8:45 am (to be at work at 9) but I forgot to take into account that I would need to scrape ice off my windshield because its cold as balls. So this picture was taken at 8:53 when I realized that I was 1. Definitely going to be late for work because I still needed to stop at Sturgis Coffee Company to get breakfast and 2. I forgot to bring my dollar to donate to United Way to wear jeans at work, so I was going to have to spend the day dodging Ranae in the front office. 

 
 

I got to work at 9:02 am and then realized that I put my muffin on top of my car to open the door at the coffee shop, and then DROVE AWAY WITH MY MUFFIN STILL ON TOP OF THE CAR. So instead of a super delicious apple cinnamon pecan muffin with hot chocolate that I was super duper excited to eat, I was late for work and had to eat chocolate chip cookies and a milky way bar with hot chocolate for breakfast. Probably karma for not donating my United Way dollar. Not an ideal way to start off the morning. Also, my socks aren't even close to matching. 

 

About to get my office work on. (9:45? 10? Who knows?) In case you can't see it, there's a bag of more cookies by the keyboard. The Chips Ahoy cookies were less than awesome, so I had to go and get a different kind of cookies from the vending machine. So that was a bummer. But whatever. Also, this scanner is going to give me an ulcer. 

 

11:00 am. I begin to have some technology issues with the scanner. The scanner is the diva of my office. It will work for a little bit, then be like "LOL JUST KIDDING" and it'll lose connection with the computer or decide not to suck anymore paper in. The computer is totes in on it. I'm being ganged up on in my own office. Its not cool. The bottom picture is a note I taped to the scanner to remind myself to take a deep breath and not bash the scanner to death with the golf clubs that are in my office for some reason. We're sort of in an abusive relationship. 

 
 

I'm sort of obsessed with these two songs and these boots that I bought at Charlotte Rousse (?! I'm too lazy to look up the spelling) for $15. I have no idea what time I took these, I was too busy dealing with/trying to avoid my scanning problems. 


Hooray! I fixed the scanner. Just in time to get kicked out of my office by the sales people. Its the biggest office in the building (I'm sort of a baller, its not a big deal) so they use it for sales meetings. Because literally all I'm doing is scanning. So I went on an adventure. This was at 11:30 am. 

 

First I went upstairs to the attic area. I realized that I still have a fuck load of boxes to scan, which made me sad. So I went and hung out with the guys in the parts department until the sales people were done with their meeting. I didn't take any pictures of the parts guys because that would have been creepy. But we decided that I should become a karate fighting flight attendant who does stand up comedy and scanning on the side. Yay future plans! 


I had Subway for lunch with my grandpa at 1:30 pm. It was fun times. My grandparents were in New Orleans for the last week (they were straight up stranded for THREE DAYS because of the snowpocalypse. They were excited to be back, I was excited for them to be back, its all very exciting. Also my grandpa owns the dealership where I work). 


I scanned my sweet little heart out until 5 pm. Then I got to drive home. It would appear as though I need to wash my windshield. So that's embarrassing. Also I learned that I suck at taking pictures while driving. So that was a fun lesson in safety. 


HOLY SHIT THIS IS EXHAUSTING AND I STILL HAVE MORE PICTURES. I AM SORT OF REGRETTING MY DECISION TO DO THIS, BUT I'M ALREADY COMMITTED GOD DAMMIT. LET'S KEEP GOING. 


I had to stop by Walmart to get a phone charger. This picture is deceiving because it was only 5:30 pm and it was definitely not this dark. *OH! Fun Walmart story. I think I've been traumatized by all of my encounters with homeless people in Hawaii. This tiny lady came around a truck in the parking lot wearing a surgical mask with a shopping cart full of stuff. She got close to me and I freaked out. I went into full-on "dodge the crazies" mode and my whole body did this weird spasm thing as I jumped out of the way. She looked at me like I was a nut and then got into her truck and left. But she was the one wearing the mask, so really she was the weirdo. Not me.* 



I have an incredibly passionate hatred for avocados. I had to buy some for my dad and I had a really hard time touching them. It was embarrassing and I might need to think about accepting avocados as a part of the universe. Also, there was camo Chapstick. Because South Dakota. Because Chapstick isn't already hard enough to find. Because AMERICA. 

 

Along with the avocados, I also got this sweet pink phone charger. Because why buy something boring when you can get it in neon colors?! Also I got some hair dye. So that's tomorrow's adventure. Baby girl's gonna have dark brown hair. And a sweet pink phone charger. 

photo credit: AbbyDoodlesCreations

OOOOH. I got the favorite kid award because I got these for my dad and his wife. The super talented lady behind this Etsy shop made these. I went to high school with her, they're super cute. If you have a baby in your life, you should definitely hit up her shop. Everything is handmade and they are adorable.  I can't even handle it. Plus, she got them to me three days after I asked if she would make them for me. What?! That is insane. On the tag it says they're made with love and they have the cutest little heart sewn into the inside. SUPER CUTE GO BUY THINGS. (I realize that this is a picture from her shop. But these are the ones that she made for me. They're just upstairs and I am downstairs). 


So I thought the muffin incident was going to be the most depressing part of my day, but I was so so so wrong. A couple of weeks ago my grandpa in California found out that he has a tumor in his spine. He underwent radiation, and he was initially responding really well to it. The tumor was all "later skater". Well it turns out that asshole of a tumor came back with a fucking vengeance and he woke up yesterday and his legs basically didn't work. So that's not good. Really not good. Yeah……..I don't know. I'm bad at emotions. Send good thoughts or vibrations or something. 


I'm watching "Don't Trust the B---- in Apt 23" to make me feel better (another side note: This is a criminally underrated show. It is absolutely hilarious, but ABC played the episodes out of order and then canceled it. My heart is still sort of broken, but at least the episodes that were made are on Netflix.) Anyway, I took this picture with my phone and it is truly terrifying. I promise that's not what her face actually looks like. But I'm sad about my grandpa and this picture makes me giggle. 

SO THERE YOU GO. THAT WAS MY DAY. I'M GOING TO CONTINUE TO WATCH DON'T TRUST THE B---- TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER BECAUSE IT WAS SORT OF A CLUSTERFUCK. I'M NOT TAKING ANYMORE PICTURES BECAUSE THIS BLOG IS ALREADY WAY TOO LONG. 




































Monday, January 27, 2014

Just ignore the shit and try to catch a shark

I was cruising around the Internet today, and I made a stop over at The Bloggess, and she had a picture that basically said that you needed to open the closest book to you, open it and the first sentence on page 45 would describe your love life. Apparently it's a picture that's been floating around the interwebs. So I decide to try it.

The Book: "The Sex Lives of Cannibals" by J. Maarten Troost. (Random plug, this book is fucking hilarious. I highly recommend it. You're welcome Mr. Troost).

The line: "Yes I saw sharks, but I couldn't catch them."

Realization: I accidentally turned it to page 145. Whoops.

Actual line on page 45: "Survival on Tarawa, I decided, would depend on one's reaction to the absurd, and so I resolved to ignore the shit."

So I got not being able to catch the sharks and surviving by ignoring the shit. If that doesn't sum up my life (both actual and love) I really don't know what does.

If you decide to do this, let me know what the book is and what the line is. Because apparently blog conversations are what is supposed to be happening here. 

Thursday, January 23, 2014

OH HEY FRANK!

I just realized that the reason I started this blog in the first place was to keep everyone (LOL shout out to the 3 people who read this ) updated on my knee's progress, and I'VE ONLY WRITTEN LIKE 5 POSTS INVOLVING FRANK. Whoops. So here's what's new on the knee front! (HA. See what I did there? Because the surgery was on the front of my knee? I'm hilarious). 


I RAN/WALKED (BUT MOSTLY RAN) A MOTHER FUCKING MILE TONIGHT. 

HOLY SHIT. I NEED TO SAY THAT AGAIN. 

A MOTHER FUCKING MILE. 

5,280 MOTHER FUCKING FEET. 

FRANK IS SORE BUT HE HELD UP LIKE A MOTHER FUCKING CHAMP. 

I SAID GAWD DAYUM!!!!!!!!!!! 



I CAN'T FUNCTION ENOUGH TO BLOG ABOUT THIS SHIT BECAUSE I'M TOO EXCITED.

GO TEAM FRANK!!!! MAMA'S SO PROUD.


AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 20, 2014

GUYS MY BRAIN IS MELTING

I think its because I generally show the common sense of a 6 year old, but one thing that a lot of people don't know about me is that I'm actually really smart. Like really smart. I blew both my SATS and ACTS out of the water, and I don't even remember taking them. No joke, because I was so out of my mind on painkillers for a broken ankle, I literally have zero memory of taking either of the tests. Apparently I had like a 20 minute conversation with some kid named Ozzie (no joke), and the only reason I found this out was because we both ended up going to NAU and he came up to me in the Union one day and was like "OMG I KNOW YOU FROM THE SATS!!!!!!" Then he proceeded to whip out all these facts about me ("Oh are you still doing band? How's your ankle? etc. etc.") and I was like "Uhhh……….what. Who are you?" It was embarrassing, but he ended up being kind of a dick, so it wasn't a huge loss. Anyway, the fact remains that I'm really smart. I could go into detail, but basically I made college my bitch.

I am also basically an expert on muscle atrophy. I'm too lazy to look up the actual definition, but its when you lose muscle mass because the muscle is not being used enough. It is seen mostly in patients who are on bed rest and have broken bones. Through a series of incredibly unfortunate events, I have been lucky enough to have serious muscle atrophy in not one, but both of my legs. Everyone already knows about my knee (later skater to my left quad - its still definitely smaller, but you can only tell if you're really looking), but as mentioned in the above story about being high as shit during the SATS, I also broke my ankle in high school. Technically it was my right ankle and all the bones across the top of my foot, so I was in a hard cast for THREE MONTHS. Yeah, it sucked just as much as it sounds, and my right leg was basically non-exisitant. It took me a couple minutes to get it back. 

ANYWAY. 

I'm sure the 2 people who actually read this are sitting there going "HANNAH GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!!!!" So I will. The point of those two paragraphs was to express the fact that I am smart and know enough about muscle atrophy to accurately describe what is happening to me: 

Y'all, I'm pretty sure my brain is starting to atrophy. 

Seriously, since graduating college I have gotten fucking stupid. Despite taking multiple years of economics, I have a hell of a time with basic math, and don't even get me started on how often I lose stuff. I swear to the sweet baby Jesus, I lose my phone the second I put it down. Also passwords. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I will forget a password as soon as I am finished typing it. I don't even want to know how many times I've had to call the bank to be like "uh…….yeah I there. I need to reset my password…….again". One time I called TWO TIMES IN ONE DAY. I also have developed some weird issues with reading, like I'll read a word completely wrong. But I think that's because the 99.9% of the time I'm just skimming shit, and apparently my brain has the same auto-correct capabilities as an iPhone with a slight learning deficiency. 

On the real though, I definitely need to read more and possibly apply for some sort of further education endeavor, because this is getting ridiculous.