Fishing for compliments, or Hannah's a huge bitch.

DISCLAIMERS (On the off hand that anyone actually starts reading this and gets offended, I got my ass covered).

1. If I sound like a huge bitch in this, its because I'm in a terrible mood. Plus if you fall into this category of what I'm describing, this is some shit that you need to hear.

2. I understand that sometimes insecurities can take on a life of their own and turn into something really, really bad. Eating disorders and self harm are no joke and are not to be taken lightly. If you or someone you know is suffering from anything like this, please go get help. There are a lot of people in the world who think you are wonderful. That being said........

REALLY INSECURE PEOPLE ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

Don't get me wrong, everyone on the planet has insecurities, myself included. To name a few: I could certainly stand to lose a couple lbs, I think I'm a really awkward height, my legs are two different sizes because of my knee injury, and don't even get me started on how self-conscious I am about my last name (after 23 years, you'd think I'd be used to it. I'm not). But I would really appreciate it if everyone could just keep their insecurities to themselves.

Like I said above, I know that insecurities can turn into something bad. When I say that I'm annoyed with insecure people, I'm not talking about the ones who hate themselves so much that they hurt their bodies. I'm talking about the really pretty girls who know they're pretty and yet are constantly fishing for compliments.

We all know these girls on Facebook and Instagram. They're the ones who clearly put a lot of effort into their appearance, then post a bunch of pictures of themselves (selfies, if you will) with captions like "Omg I look so terrible!! #nomakeup #ratchet #sogross". Then they get blown up with comments telling them how pretty they are. While these girls are annoying as sin, its the ones who do it in real life that annoy the absolute fuck out of me. For example:

 The girls who have great bodies, put on a dress or something and they say "oh my god I hate wearing this, it makes me look fat." IF YOU THINK THAT SOMETHING MAKES YOU LOOK FAT, THEN DON'T FUCKING WEAR IT. Simple as that. If you have put effort into your appearance, don't devalue yourself by making it sound like you look like shit all the time. You're just making yourself feel bad, and for what? The 3 second high you get when someone tells you you're pretty? THAT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW, YOU JUST NEED TO HEAR SOMEONE ELSE SAY IT. If you have taken the time to make yourself look good, take pride in it! Confidence is sexy, you'll feel better about yourself, and I won't have to hear you bitch about how terrible you don't actually look.

Because honestly, I'm getting so sick of it that I'm going to star agreeing with people. The next time someone bitches to me about how they look fat or ugly, they will get zero compliments from me. I am 100% tapped out. If I think you look nice I will tell you, because I love giving compliments to people, but not if you're fishing for them. Even if I think you look pretty, if you tell me you look like shit I'm going to be like "yup".

I AM SICK OF YOUR SHIT, GIRL WORLD.

Cool as le cucumber

Oh hello there! Here are some cool things that have happened in my life:

KNEE RELATED:

I GOT CLEARED TO RUN AND SWIM!!!!! Frank kicks so much ass. Now granted its just freestyle kicking and jogging in a straight line, but its something. Less cool, my physical therapist had me run down and back in the parking lot (40 ft? I don't know, I'm pretty bad at judging distance) and it was rough business. Turns out I'm in really bad shape and pretty bad at running. I don't know what I expected, I mean I've only been running a handful of times since I broke my foot, which happened when I was 17. I'm 23 now, so that's a lot of time spent not running. Whatever, the important thing is that my knee is making some serious progress. I also keep forgetting that I'm actually allowed to kick my legs and whenever I go into the ocean I spend the first couple minutes only using my arms before I remember that I can kick again.

I'M OFFICIALLY DONE WITH PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!! Speaking of physical therapy, I just realized that in a blog that's supposed to chronicle my recovery from knee surgery I never actually talked about what I did at physical therapy. Whoops. When I first started, it was all about getting my motion back and the swelling down. It was a lot of stretching and a lot of massaging (glorious). Then as my knee grew stronger, other exercises were slowly added until it became a full fledged workout. By the end of the four months I was doing lunges, squats, leg press (160 lbs. with both legs, 80 lbs. single leg), wall sits and balancing exercises. I'm also a lot more confident on stairs, which is pretty nice. I still have a long way to go strength wise, but I just keep telling myself that someday my quads will be the same size and that people really can't tell the difference right now unless they really focus on it.

NOT KNEE RELATED:

MY FRIEND NIC CAME TO VISIT!!!!! It was wonderful. We didn't do anything exciting (standard vacation stuff. Drink too much, get too much sun, the usual), but it was so nice having a familiar face around. Nic and I were neighbors in one of the most ridiculous neighborhoods in the world (fondly known as "La Plaza Vieja") and had a couple of classes together. Through Model United Nations, we became pretty good friends. Its awesome to think about how our random "Fat Kid Saturday" hangouts turned into him visiting me in Hawaii. I was sad to see him go.

Last night Clint Eastwood's ex wife came into my work with the University of Hawaii's basketball coach. Turns out they're dating, and Mr. Eastwood is dating the coach's ex wife. So that's bizarre. And tonight the current Miss Hawaii, USA came into the restaurant, along with the gaggle of pageant girls who are vying for the crown this year. Let me tell you, nothing hits the ego quite as hard as greeting a group of beyond gorgeous women when you are sunburnt to within an inch of your life. Always remember to wear your sunscreen, kids. Otherwise you get skin cancer and a bruised ego.

The Pink Power Ranger

Fact: I am sooooo terrible at being a grown up.

First of all, I live 100% in the moment. I never think about the future. Ever. I didn't even start thinking about where I wanted to go to college until the second semester of my senior year, and then I made the decision by flipping a coin. Same with life after graduating. I had no plans until Easter when I decided on a whim to move to Hawaii with a friend. I also have this weird thing where I'm really bad about remembering to buy things to eat for breakfast. I'll go to the grocery store and come back with $100 worth of things to eat for lunch and dinner, then wake up the next morning and have to go to the coffee shop down the street because I forgot to buy bagels or something.

Speaking of which, I am terrible with money. Back home, I didn't think I was that bad with money. I was never particularly worried. Turned out I was just deluding myself because I rarely had to pay for food. No joke, my grandma's contribution to my education was getting me a meal plan every semester (even when I lived off campus) and if I ran out of swipes or was too lazy to go grocery shopping, I would go to my mom or aunt's house and get something to eat. When I moved to Hawaii, I remembered that I didn't know how to cook, so I spend too much money on take-out. I'm getting a little better, but holy crap. I suck at budgeting. And I am having a hell of a time beating down my Starbucks addiction. Seriously, is there a 12-step program for that business? Money is dumb. I don't understand how people do it.

Careers. Dear Lord, don't even get me started on careers. Growing up, I wanted to be everything on the planet. Astronaut, princess, doctor, writer, actress, musician, ballerina, professional athlete, you name it, I wanted to do it. On paper, it looks like I have aspirations and goals. I have a degrees in both Political Science and International affairs. Obviously with degrees like that, I have plans, right? Nope. Not even a little bit. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I've thought of so many possibilities, but nothing has really jumped out at me. Foreign Service Officer with the State Department? Meh. Work for the United Nations? Nah, they don't accomplish much. Go to law school and become a lawyer? Maybe. Go to grad school? Probably should. Want to know what the last thing that I knew without one tiny sliver of a doubt that I wanted to be? The Pink Power Ranger. I was five and she was the coolest chick I had ever seen. Plus she got to be with the White Ranger, and he was a hottie. What was his name, Zach? Tommy? Whatever, its not important.

And you know what? Given the opportunity, I would become the Pink Power Ranger without a second's hesitation, and at 23 years old, that's a little scary.

Thumbs up for Frank!

To explain the title, when I found out I was going to get knee surgery, I originally thought I was going to get a cadaver part to reconstruct the ACL. My friend started calling it "Frankenleg", which then got shortened to Frank. Above is a picture of Frank in all of his glory.

I just got back from my doctor's appointment and considering the last time I was there I started to cry, it went soooooo well. He said that the graft is healing up nicely, and I just need to work a little bit more on my range of motion and building the muscle mass of my quad back up. So I have another month of physical therapy, then I see the doc again and hopefully get cleared to run. All in all, I give it two thumbs up. Way to go Frank!

Whomp Whomp

Good Lord, I am terrible at this whole blogging thing. Sorry about that. (Because so many people are clearly reading this)

ANYWAY.

So what's been happening in my life? Well, here's the not knee related information:

* I finally heard from the guy that had been ignoring me, and I got super excited and answered because I forgot that my plan was to ignore him. Whoops. He invited me to a block party he was throwing, which actually ended up being a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the block party was technically as a goodbye party because he's being deployed in September. Whomp whomp. 

BUT. I got this super pretty picture of a sunset.

* I am loving my job. I went out with a bunch of my coworkers recently and it was way too much fun.

* I am struggling so hard to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. But that's a story for another time.

* Weird people have been hitting on me like its their job. I don't know what the deal is, but apparently I'm what the crazies in Hawaii are looking for. Its been an exciting couple of weeks.

* I'm actually being sort of responsible with my money. So that's neato.

Knee related information:

* I finished my last physical therapy appointment! So that's exciting.

* My doctor's office back home and my doctor's office here had a rare moment of successful communication, and I was finally able to schedule a doctor's appointment like a normal person. Granted, its a three month check-up and I never did the six week one, but that's not the point. After spending months playing monkey-in-the-middle with doctors, this was one of the best moments ever. At this appointment I find out if I need more physical therapy to make it stronger, and when I can start running and doing other physical activities again. This is exciting stuff, people!

* I was a big old dumbass at work the other night and squatted down to help someone fix a table. My knee was not a happy camper, and I've been trying to take it easy for the last couple of days. Stooooooops.

I can't think of anything else to write. I hope everyone's having a fantastic life, and I'll catch you on the flip side.

Next time:

THE PINK POWER RANGER, OR WHAT DOES HANNAH WANT TO BE WHEN SHE GROWS UP? 

Hooray.....ish.

Whoops. Sorta forgot that I had this blog. My bad.

So what's been happening in my life? Quite a bit, actually. Here's the lowdown.

I got a job as a hostess at P.F. Chang's. It doesn't sound super great, but I am seriously over the moon about it. They had absolutely no reason to hire me. On paper I looked awful. A month out of knee surgery and no restaurant experience to my name, I wouldn't have hired me. But I turned on the charm 1000% and was hired on the spot. Holla! I really like it so far. Its a little bit overwhelming since I have no experience in restaurants and its a super popular place to eat, but everyone is really nice and I'm slowly picking it up. Hooray!

I turned 23. 22 was not a banner year in the life of Hannah. Yeah I moved to Hawaii and that was rad, but for the most part it was not so great. I got hurt, ruined stuff with a guy that I really liked, ruined stuff with a very close friend, Dakine closed and I wasn't offered a job at Honolua, you get the picture. It was definitely less than stellar. But my 23rd birthday was an incredible day filled with a fabulous physical therapy session, a little time at the beach with my roomie and her friend, I was cut early from work when my manager found out it was my birthday, I jammed at karaoke and even got a little life lesson that night. I found out something not so great about someone I thought was my close friend, but instead of being super shitty, that gave me the final push to get out of the weird headspace that I've been in for the last couple of months. I've also just been in a fabulous mood since my birthday, so again.......Hooray!

I've been trying to actually be smart with my money and not eat out all the time. I still need to work on cutting down my stupidly ridiculous Starbucks addiction, but I actually grocery shopped like a normal person the other day, so we're making baby steps of progress. Oh and speaking of being a grownup, I also applied for my first big girl job. So we'll see how that goes.

Just so this isn't one of those nauseatingly happy posts that are often found on blogs, not everything has been all sunshine and rainbow pooping unicorns. My knee is tired constantly and it is frustrating. At work I'm on my feet for 6 or more hours at a time, and I still can't walk up and down stairs normally which is pretty embarrassing. I have the "oh are you OK?" "Oh yeah, I just had knee surgery about 6 weeks ago so stairs are still a little awkward" conversation on the daily. Yesterday I went to the canoe races in Waikiki (which involved a lot of walking) and then went to work for 6.5 hours and I haven't been able to straighten my leg for all of today. Physical therapy this morning was rough, to say the least. Its frustrating, but I'm trying to remind myself that its a healing process. Also when I'm not on the stairs, nobody can tell that there's anything wrong with my leg. So that's nice.

What else? I met a guy. I don't think it'll be anything, but it was certainly a much needed ego boost. I bought a super rad hat with a T-Rex painted on it, I just painted my nails a really pretty blue, and Shark Week is on Netflix. Neato!

Workout Blues

Fun fact about me, I HATE working out. Yeah I played some sports in high school and I've always been decently active, but actually working out? There is absolutely no love. I hate every single part of it. Starting out, that middle bit where you feel like you're about to puke your brains out and die, the sweating, I hate it all. Well, I like one part. The part where you get to stop working out is my favorite. On the real, thank goodness for good genetics because with my eating and workout habits I should weigh about 300 lbs. Yeah, I know its good for my health, but so are avocados and I hate them too.

Umm....super cool Hannah, but what was the point of that little rant against a healthy lifestyle? Well, I am so bored because of all the restrictions on my knee that all I want to do is workout. Whaaaaa?  Yeah that's right. Its all I can think about. I want to surf, I want to hike, I want to run. You heard right, Hannah wants to run. I just want to take off and sprint up Koko Head, or even just run down the street. I'm not even allowed to swim (kicking is a big no-no) or just sit on a paddle board and doodle around (I asked my physical therapist today. Too much of a risk of tweaking the knee if.....when....I fall off).

Two more months and then I'll at least be cleared to run. Until then, the most I get to workout is physical therapy. I got add squats and stepping up onto a stool today. Woooooooooooooo.

What I would like to be doing. 

What I'm actually doing.