How to ruin your life in paradise

Me: AAAAHHHHH LOOK AT ALL THIS GRADUATION MONEY HAWAII IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUNNNNN!!!!!!!!!
Poor life choices: Yeah I'm just going to take that.
Me: Fuck.

Me: I MET A BOY I REALLY LIKE AND HE LIKES ME AND THIS IS RAD!!!!!
Alcohol: Nope.
Me: Fuck.

Me: I'M GOING TO BUY A MOPED AND ITS GOING TO BE AWESOME AND I'LL SCOOT AROUND THE ISLAND LIKE SCOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moped: Yeah I'm just going to crash real quick.
Me: Fuck.

Me: OUCH I CRASHED MY MOPED BUT HOPEFULLY ITS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
Dr. Chang: Yeah your ACL is completely gone. You need surgery.
Me: Fuck.

Me: YAY I GOT A JOB AT P.F. CHANG'S AND ITS GOING TO BE SUPER AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Universe: Yeah that doesn't mean you're going to be making enough money to continue living here.
Me: Fuck.

Me: OK I'M GOING TO GO TO SOUTH DAKOTA AND LIVE WITH MY DAD AND WORK FOR MY GRANDPA AND I'M GOING TO SAVE SOME MONEY AND GET MY LIFE TOGETHER AND ITS GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
Dad: Yeah everyone is just going to be super stressed out real quick.
Grandpa: The job is a little more  temporary than you thought.
Me: Fuck.