Monday, November 18, 2013

Skunks in the Vieja

"Hey Hannah, have you seen Mike?"
"He went running down the street after a skunk that he thought was a cat and now we can't find him."

This is one of my favorite conversations that I have ever had with anyone, and it describes my old living situation better then anything I could ever come up with. The last year and a half of my college career, the house I lived in was ridiculous. It was this really old, rundown house in a neighborhood right off campus called La Plaza Vieja, but we all called it the Vieja. The house opened up into an alleyway, which only added to its ghetto charm. No joke, one part of the directions to my house was "OK, then there's going to be a dumpster on the left side of the road. Turn left into the alley right past it." Hahaha To make it even better, I lived in the house with FOUR BOYS. Yeah, ridiculous is a little bit of an understatement, because they were all out of their goddamn minds. Our neighbors were equally as batshit as we were, which lead to moments like the one above (Mike was very drunk when he went running after the skunk cat). Some of my other favorite Vieja memories:

- The time my roommates brought over a bunch of freshmen and I got really drunk in my kitchen and was mean to them.

- Waking up after getting crazy the night before, and all of us sitting on the porch drinking coffee/tea reevaluating all of our life choices. This happened so much.

- That time Mike gave me a striptease to the lollipop song from "The Wizard of Oz" at like 9 in the morning, and Jordan laughing so hard he puked.

- The pep talk the boys gave me when I came home crying after an International Economics study session convinced I was going to fail college. ("Hannah I know you don't like coffee or whiskey, but I'm going to make you a drink and you're going to drink it and like it.)

- The night after graduation when they all took me out and we got so ridiculous that we got kicked out of Mia's, which I didn't even know was possible, because its the most hipster bar in existence.

- The Annual Plaza Vieja Beerster Egg Hunt. We would decorate beer cans to look like easter eggs and hide them around our yard, the neighbor's yard, and the neighbor's house. There were also various mixed drinks hidden, and it was always really nasty shit like vodka and milk.

- Mike and I in our pretty easter dresses.

- Watching "Friday Night Lights" on Netflix and everyone making fun of me for it, then coming home the next day to find out they had become obsessed with it and watched the entire series in a day.

- Jordan getting kicked out of Ladies 80's and Electric Kingdom every single time we went.

- The bonfires at Cutter and Jordan's house before Jordan moved in with us.

- The fort that we had in the living room for almost two months, until I got really really angry one day and tore it down.

- Stupid Rob sleeping on our couch all the time over the summer, then getting really angry and offended when I asked him if he was homeless. Hahahaha

- That time I came home from work and all the boys were out in the alley by the fence puking their brains out and laughing their asses off at the same time.

- Always getting butterflies in my stomach when I saw Cutter's car in the driveway, because he was so so so hot. And I always looked so so so terrible.

- Drunk Mike. Describing all the reasons Drunk Mike was my favorite would take way too much time.

- That time we all went out, then I had to be at work at 5:30 am and I woke up with my eye swollen shut. I came home from work with my eye still fucked up, Jordan and Mike sitting on the porch really confused and hungover telling me to be careful because there was a strange dog locked in Stu's room.

- All the parties at stoked guy's house.

- Stoked guy telling the whale joke.

- Brandon breaking the hammock.

- Brandon being so sensitive, but all of us loving him because he always cooked for us.

- That time Diego and Jordan ate all of my leftovers, then took me out to dinner to make up for it and were perfect gentlemen. Then we came home and an hour later they were shitfaced on whiskey.

There are so many more, but its almost 1 am here, so I think I'm going to call it quits on this adventure down memory lane. God damn, that house was so much fun.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Frank's adventures on the stairs

Full disclosure: I'm scared of stairs. Yeah, you don't need to tell me how lame that sounds. There is a reason though. When I was 17, I was not paying attention to where I was going and fell down a flight of stairs. I shattered my ankle and broke all the bones across the top of my foot. I had to get surgery, and now have a big ass scar down the side of my right foot, plus four screws and three pins holding my shit together. So yeah, I'm scared of stairs. Its had a weird, long lasting effect on my life. I never run up and down stairs, and I get really really nervous when I have to carry things on stairs and can't see my feet.

OK Hannah, nobody cares about your weird stairs phobia, so why bring it up? Well, the other day at work I had a pretty serious milestone involving my knee, but I'm starting to think that it might only be a big deal because of my issues with stairs. At P.F. Chang's, there is a big staircase. I have to go up and down it a lot, and since I started working there I use the stairs like an old man. In the beginning, I had to hold onto the railing really tight, and put both feet on each step. It was embarrassing, and people would be like "umm……..are you OK?" And I'd be like "umm…..yeah I had knee surgery recently, don't worry about it." Over the last couple months, its gotten better. I don't have to put both feet on each step, but going down the stairs I always had to use the railing. 

NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was at work on Thursday, and I had to go upstairs to get something. I went up and came back down, then had to stop in the middle of the restaurant. I couldn't figure out why something felt different, until about 10 seconds later when it hit me. I didn't need to use the railing! WHAT. Just to make sure, I went up and down the stairs a couple more times. Nope, don't need to use the railing. 

I'm so excited, I don't even know what to do. 

GOOD JOB FRANK!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud. 

Saturday, November 2, 2013

"Say thank you to naughty Satan"

*I tried to put a picture of the Great Pumpkin here, but my computer is being dumb. Use your imagination.*

I have a weird relationship with Halloween. I love dressing up in costumes, eating ridiculous amounts of candy and going out drinking with all of my friends. Halloween combines all of these things, so obviously its one of my favorite nights of the year. I love the anticipation of having everyone see my costume (even though they're usually really lame), and my absolute favorite part is seeing what everyone else is going to dress up as. I look forward to Halloween every year.

After saying all of that, there's also a small part of me that hates it. I say this because I have literally never had a Halloween go the way I expect it. Depending on what's going on in my life (usually with boys), I always go into the night with some sort of plan for what's going to happen, and those plans never ever happen as I anticipate them. I mean, there was one year in college when my plan was to go to a Halloween party with some friends for a bit, then go to my friend's dorm, and I ended up having to hitch hike home from the party dressed as Batman. Or my freshman year when I accidentally left a party way earlier than everyone else and wandered around campus dressed as a (very cold and drunk) firefighter because I forgot my keys. Or last year, when I thought I was going to hang out with a guy that I worked with (OK let's be honest, I wanted him to kiss me) and I just ended up getting really drunk and running around Waikiki dressed as a ladybug who stole random parts of people's costumes (hilarious). So what happened this year?

Honestly, my plan was to get off work, then go and hang out with some of my friends and wander around Waikiki, probably hit up some bars. Instead, I ended up going to one of my coworker's house and drinking (suuuuper fun), then went to a hotel party that was a TOTAL BUST (actually pretty hilarious in how bad it was) and then ended the night at what was probably the sketchiest bar I have ever been in my life. Its this place called Asylum, and it made the bars from the last post seem like Disneyland. It was ridiculous, and within about 10 minutes of being there, a guy dressed as Batman offered me Molly. I said no thank you. I also didn't end up getting home until about 5:00 this morning, which was very much unexpected. I also didn't eat any candy. In fact, from about 6 pm to 5 am, all I ate was (basically) an entire bag of Tostitos. To be clear though, all I did was drink and eat chips. I didn't do any drugs.

The best part? I never lose my love and excitement for the night. Its like the Peanut's Halloween episode. Linus is always so amped about the Great Pumpkin, and never lets anything get him down. Someday I'll have a Halloween that goes (almost) according to plan. Until then, I'll keep drinking too much and eating too much candy, and having a grand old time.

Oh, in case anyone was wondering, this year I was dressed as a devil. Hence the title. My costume was definitely a little (a lot) slutty, and when I gave a kid a kid's menu at work, her dad was like "say thank you to naughty Satan". He was dressed as a pirate, and it was a really uncomfortable moment.