Thursday, February 27, 2014

Hannah's taking the next flight to Neverland

Y'all, being a grownup is hard. And I am so bad at it. Today was one of those days where it was blatantly obvious just how real the struggle is. So what happened? 

Actually, this whole thing sort of started yesterday when I went to the grocery store with my grandma. When I'm by myself, I always shop for groceries the same way. I go down every single aisle grabbing whatever catches my eye (I'm reallllllllllly bad about going to the grocery store hungry), then end up forgetting to get whatever it was that made me go to the store in the first place. Its sort of my thing. Going with my grandma was different. My grandparents are going out of town and I'm going to be house-sitting, and my grandma wanted to stock up the house so I don't starve to death, which is awesome. Unfortunately, the actual shopping experience was pretty embarrassing, because she was like "so, what kind of things do you want?" and I kind of panicked and was like "uhhhh……………cereal and spaghetti?". She gave me the all too familiar "Hannah how are you still alive?!" look, and then gently suggested different things to get ("well do you think you need some bread? What about other things for lunch?"). Thaaaaaaanks grandma. 

Today the struggle bus just kept on cruising, and I tried to plan out my life on a napkin. Don't believe me? Here's the proof: 

Yeah. That's my attempt to figure out my life on the back of a McDonald's napkin. A friend recently asked me if I wanted to move to Portland, so an attempt to make a budget turned into a pro/con list, which then turned into a mess. As can be seen by the artistically written "WHAT AM I DOING?!", the magical napkin did not end up helping me figure anything out. But at least I get points for trying, right?? Right. I'm giving myself 50 points for this one. 

The next stop on the hot mess express was when I tried to make lunch today. I've had some issues in the past (remember the time I managed to break the microwave plate in Hawaii? Yikes), but for the most part microwaves and I have always been a pretty good team. Today I brought one of those fancy (not ramen) Asian noodle bowls to make, and I was like "yeah! This is going to be tasty! I've made these before!" I don't know what happened this time, but it was a goddamn mess. I don't know if i put too much water in it or microwaved it for too long, but literally all of the water spilled out and flooded the microwave. Yeah! It took like 5 napkins to clean the whole thing up. Then I looked in the bowl to see if there was actually any water left in it, and discovered that not only was there no liquid left, but I had also left one of the little plastic flavor packets inside. Whoops. Then I added the other little packets, looked at the instructions again and learned that I was actually supposed to have put all of the stuff in before I microwaved it. So then I had to put even more water in it and microwave it again. Keep in mind, I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY MADE THIS STUFF BEFORE. But the important part is that it actually ended up tasting really good, even though I'm sort of convinced that I'm going to die of plastic poisoning. 

Ugh. How am I still alive?! 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

That one time Hannah got addicted to crack

Before anyone freaks out and calls my mom, don't worry. I'm not actually addicted to crack, or any other drugs. Also, I tried to look up a funny picture of drugs to put in this, but all I found was a bunch of scary pictures of people shooting up, and now I'm uncomfortable. Anyway, if I've never been addicted to any drugs, what's with the title?

I have no friends. And not in that "oh my gosh I actually know a lot of people but we're all busy with our lives so I feel like I have no friends" kind of way. I literally have no friends. Now you may be thinking "Hannah, your dad has lived in South Dakota since you were 13, and you spent every summer there until you were 17. How do you not have a single friend?!" Well…..simple, actually. When I came here I was a very angry teenager who had absolutely no desire to spend any amount of time in Butt hole, South Dakota with her dear old dad, so I was not very pleasant to be around. I did have some friends (exactly two of them) but as soon as I stopped spending all summer here, we fell out of contact. Whomp whomp.

Uhh… story bro, but that still doesn't explain how you didn't get addicted to crack. One consequence of having no friends is boredom. Intense boredom. Netflix and books can only be substitutes for a social life for so long before it starts being pathetic, and I still haven't figured out how to make friends when I don't work with anyone my own age (the mechanics work in a different part of the building and I never see them), am not in school, and its so cold that nobody actually wants to be outside. So yesterday I sent a text to a friend that said "I am so fucking bored I am seriously considering developing a drug addiction just to have something to do". She laughed at me, and we both agreed that a drug addiction would be something to blog about. Ha! I also sent it to a couple of other people, because if you think of something that makes you laugh, why only share it with one person?

Obviously I'm not going to get addicted to drugs ("and then Hannah moved to South Dakota and developed a crippling heroin addiction due to mind numbing boredom" is a phrase that I just can't deal with), but this did get me thinking. And  you know what I realized? You can't become addicted to drugs if you have no friends! Think about it, how would you find the drugs in the first place?! I mean, in Hawaii it would have been easy enough. You go to the bars and 15 different people will offer you coke (AGAIN: I DIDN'T DO ANY COCAINE WHILE I WAS LIVING THERE), but South Dakota? I wouldn't even know where to start! You never hear a story where a drug addict is like "uhh…..yeah…..I was just hanging out by myself one time and I got bored and started to do crack". Nope. Its always "yeah me and my homies were hanging out and one of them pulled out a little baggie and I was like 'ok sure let's do some meth'". Does meth even come in a bag? I don't even know. All of my knowledge of meth comes from Breaking Bad.

So yeah. I'm so bored I contemplated an imaginary drug addiction, then realized that I can't become a junkie because I don't have any friends. Is it weird that I find that sort of depressing?

Monday, February 24, 2014

The what if game

In my entire life, I have never failed so spectacularly as I did in Hawaii. On that little island I failed in fiscal responsibility, I failed in love, and I have a couple of scars on my knee that show I certainly failed in my attempts to peacefully coexist with gravity. On top of all this failure I was also very, very happy. This may have been due in large part to the insane amount of vitamin D my skin was absorbing on the daily, but whatever. Happiness is happiness, and I miss it a lot.

I do this thing where I look at the pictures that I have of Hawaii a lot, and it is super unhealthy. I see the beaches, the bikinis, the rainbows, and the smiles, and I get this dull pain in my stomach which has convinced me that my soul is located slightly to the right of my belly button. Oahu didn't just steal a piece of my heart, that stupid island captured a piece of my soul. Another reason that looking at these pictures is super unhealthy is because they suck me into the absolute worst game in the history of ever……THE WHAT IF GAME.

  • What if I had been more responsible with my money? 
  • What if things had worked out with him? 
  • What if we hadn't moved to that apartment in Makiki? 
  • What if I hadn't crashed? 
  • What if I hadn't moved to Hawaii in the first place? 
  • What if…….what if…….what if…….???

Seriously, yo. Shit'll drive you crazy. 

Friday, February 21, 2014


I tried to do this on Facebook and everyone was absolutely useless, so I'm going to try it here.



I am not asking this as a way for me to then attack your beliefs. I am legitimately curious as to why you feel so strongly about it.

One important thing, if you are going to answer this question, please don't say "because the Bible says its a sin". Come on people, I need more creativity than that.

If you don't feel comfortable answering on the comments below, please feel free to send me a message on Facebook. I truly want some opinions, people!

Thursday, February 20, 2014

The weirdest guy I ever worked with.

I've had a couple of jobs, and I have worked with some serious weirdies (we've all heard the lifeguarding stories. Like the guy who pretended to be in the navy and then dipped out while debt collectors continuously called the plex looking for him) but there is one dude who truly stood out.

My senior year of high school, I worked at the Life is Good store downtown. After I had worked there for a little bit, they hired a new guy (I'm going to call him Craig) and he was beautiful. Hot damn, he was such a cutie. I distinctly remember texting a friend something along the lines of "oh my goodness my new coworker is so hot". I really stood no chance with him; he was a very attractive college student and I was a 17 year old high school senior with a broken foot. That i actually broke at work. But that's not important. Craig was also really funny, so he was obviously one of my favorite people to work with. So the weirdness came as a little bit of a surprise.

Weird moment #1: One afternoon I was supposed to work the afternoon shift with Craig. I got there ready to roll and……….no Craig. We called him a bunch of times, no answer. About two hours into the shift, there was still no Craig and I was 100% positive he had gotten into some sort of a terrible accident. So when he finally rolled into work 3 hours late for his shift, initially I was very relieved. Relief that he was alive soon turned into some serious confusion, because he was a mess. Not even a hot mess, just an absolute mess. His hair was all fucked up, he looked like he hadn't slept in days, and he smelled like a combination of butt hole and death.

So Craig rolls in all crazy eyed, and before I could say anything he goes "Hannah guess where I woke up this morning?!" He always had a pretty solid rotation of girls going, so my guess was "ummm………..girl 1-5's house?" He starts laughing and shaking his head, "no Hannah, I woke up in jail." HA. What?! OK, shit happens in college. I assumed it was either for a DUI or possession of something. Was I right? Nope. I don't remember all the details of the story, but the gist of it was that he had gotten into some sort of fight with his roommates, and ended up threatening one of them with a crowbar in the garage while screaming "CALL THE FUCKING POLICE!! I DARE YOU!!!!!" Obviously the other roommate called the police, and Craig got carted off to jail. Umm…….sketch. My reaction? "Oh………OK…….you should probably go talk to Mark (our boss) because you're 3 hours late".

Oh! Important thing to know before I get into weird moment #2. Craig had told everyone that he grew up and graduated high school back east, then had moved to Flag for school. He was majoring in something outdoor related. Or business. Who knows. But the important thing is that he was majoring in something. Got it? OK good. Moving on.

Weird moment #2: After I had stopped working at Life is Good, Craig and I were still friends. We weren't BFFs or anything (the whole crowbar incident was a little too cray cray for me), but if I was around the store I would go in and say hi, and kept him posted on how my leg was healing. Craig quit, and soon after a bunch of money went missing from the safe shared by Mountain Sports and Life is Good. Like, hundreds of dollars. I didn't know about it at the time, but I guess everyone who had worked there at any point was a suspect. Including me. Whaaaaaaaat. Obviously I was completely innocent, and I didn't have anything to do with the store, so I sort of just forgot about it. Well, guess who stole the money?

If you guessed Craig, you win 500 points and the prize behind door number 1. 

Yeah! What?! Turns out he stole the money and skipped town! That's not even the craziest part. Are you ready? He was never a student at NAU. In fact, he never even graduated high school!!!! Bet you didn't see that coming, did you? I sure as hell didn't. He had constructed this crazy, elaborate lie that was so intense that not even his family knew what the truth was. I have no idea how he made them think he had graduated high school, but whatever. The kid should have won an Academy Award, because he had everyone convinced that he was this super standup guy. When I found this out, I hadn't talked to him in a minute, but I texted him and was like "UM EXCUSE ME BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHO ARE YOU WHY ARE YOU SUCH A LIAR?!!?!?!?" He was like "Oh Hannah I'm so sorry, I was just in way over my head and things got so crazy. I'm getting help and trying to get clean, and I would really like it if we could stay friends, because I think you're great". Notice that trying to get clean bit? Yeah turns out he had started doing a lot of drugs. Like, a lot of drugs. I was like "thanks, but no thanks. Good luck with your life dude, but this is way too much for me". Ha. Clearly only truly quality people wanted to be friends with me my senior year. 

I got a little creepy and decided to Facebook stalk him recently. He looks like he has seen the business end of a few drug deals, but it looks like he got into rehab and got his shit together, so I'm proud of him. 

And that's the story of the weirdest guy I ever worked with. 

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Hannah goes to Montana

I tried to come up with a clever Hannah Montana joke for the title, but I couldn't. 

So today me, a guy named Bob, and a truck driver named Mike went on an adventure to a ranch out past Broadus, MT (yeah……I'd never heard of it either). I went as a flagger, which means I got to drive one of the pickup trucks with the OVERSIZE LOAD signs on them behind the truck carrying the actual oversized load. We were delivering a piece of farm equipment. Please try to contain your jealousy over how awesome my life is. This is our adventure:

This is what we delivered. I forget what its called. Wind something? I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. Its used to cut hay, and then you go over the hay with another machine that makes it into those fun hay bales you see everywhere. 

I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I'm pretty embarrassing. Seriously, watching me try to function like a normal human being should be a National Geographic special. Its sort of like that time Jessica Simpson was captain of the struggle bus trying to pump gas. Today the main examples of this were the headband and gatorade incidences. 

-I was trying to fix my headband (just one of those little Under Armour ones) while I was driving, and it somehow managed to get caught on my sunglasses, which then fell off, causing the headband to snap over my eyes so I couldn't see anything and looked like the guy from Star Trek. While trying to fix this, I stabbed myself in the eyeball. The fact that I managed to stay on the road is actually pretty incredible. 

-I brought one of those huge bottles of blue gatorade with me as something to drink besides water, and I drank most of it on the drive to Montana. While we were at the ranch, I was standing outside the pickup eating some chips and Mike came up to me. He started to say something, then was like "what are you eating?!" I showed him the bag of chips and he goes "Hannah, what kind of chips stain your mouth blue?!" I was really confused and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like I had just made out with a smurf. Not only were my lips and tongue blue, but the skin above my lip was also a pretty sweet shade of blue. I was like "uhhh…….I drank some gatorade…….and its blue….." So that was cute. 

When I first found out we were going to the ranch, I was like "oooohhh maybe there will be some super hot rancher working there!" But alas, my life is not a Nicholas Sparks novel, and the rancher was some old dude wearing galoshes. So it really didn't matter very much that my face was blue. Also it was soooo windy, so I mostly just hid in the pickup while Galoshes, Bob, and Mike the truck driver unloaded the thing and reloaded the old piece of equipment that the rancher didn't want anymore. It was pretty magical. 

We were about halfway back when Galoshes called and said he needed help with something, so Bob had to go back and help him. Bob and I had to switch trucks, it was a whole thing. Then all of a sudden I was driving in front of Mike and his oversize truckload, and I sort of started to panic because my sense of direction is absolutely terrible and I'm not the greatest driver. But we made it in one piece, and so did the farm equipment. There was a slight moment of confusion when I almost missed a left turn, but whatever. We made it and Mike told me that he would definitely have me drive with him again next time, so apparently I did something right. 

OH! And we got to use CB radios to talk to each other. I suggested code names, but that idea got shot down. 

I took these pictures at the ranch. Being that isolated from the world is a strange sort of beautiful. 

I made friends with some cows. 

And that was my adventure to Montana.

Monday, February 17, 2014

That one time Hannah went to prom with a guy who is now in jail for murder

Well a whole bunch of people asked about it, so here's the story. SPOILER ALERT: its not that exciting. But its a weird one, and it makes me laugh. So here we go! Also, I'm going to use everyone's real names, because its not like this shit is some huge secret. So here we go for real!

I met Jesse Collier my freshman year of high school, because his parents were friends with my mom and her ex-husband. Jessie always seemed like a pretty cool kid. We hung out a lot, our families went to Telluride together a bunch, we had some good times. I never had any romantic feelings for him or anything, but we always had fun when we were together. We went to different high schools, and our senior year he asked me to go to prom at his school.

Guys, the way he asked me to prom was adorable. He showed up at my house with three huge (seriously, these things were massive) balloons, and I think a bouquet of flowers, but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway, he handed me a safety pin and told me to pop the balloons. I did, and a bunch of confetti came out, along with three pieces of paper. When you put the papers together they said "WILL YOU GO TO PROM WITH ME?" SO CUTE. Of course I said yes.

This might sound a little weird considering he killed someone, but prom was an absolute blast. We went out to dinner, went to prom and danced our faces off and ate way too many things dipped into a chocolate fountain, I finally met the Norwegian exchange student who kept going on trips with my family that I wasn't invited on (long story), it was super fun. I really wish that we had gotten a picture, but both of us were like "meh". After prom we went to the after-prom party, which was also awesome. He was a perfect gentleman the entire time. I'm 90% he tried to kiss me when he dropped me off at my house, but I had gotten this gigantic balloon hat at the after party, and it made kissing me impossible. Which was actually a really good thing, because I had no desire to kiss him. Basically the whole night got two thumbs up in my book. This was in April. 

A little back story: I'd met the two other kids involved in the murder before. Ben's mom is the birds of prey lady from Camp Colton (fun fact!) and because he, Micah and Jesse were such good friends, I had met them a few times over the years. Let me tell you something, these guys were sketch. Now I know other people who know them and they're all like "no! Micah was like the sweetest guy ever!" and that may be true, but I got some weird vibes from them, so I sort of just stopped hanging out with Jesse after prom, because he spent all of his time with them. Funny enough, this actually caused a lot of drama between me and my mom, because she was all "Hannah you're being rude. He took you to prom. Hang out with him." And I was all "mom his friends are sketch." And she would say "Hannah, Jesse is a good kid. He wouldn't hang out with sketchy people." HA. SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW, MOM. 

So anywho, July rolls around and all of a sudden they find the body of a 16 year old on Woody Mountain road and Jesse, Ben and Micah have all been arrested in connection with the murder. WHAT. I couldn't believe it! As the investigation went on, all these crazy facts started to roll out, like the fact that Jessie and Ben were pretty serious drug dealers and Micah was their drug runner. (FUN FACT: Jessie always had a lot of money. Seriously, the dude was basically a baller. His parents were always like "oh yeah he's super frugal." Everyone else was like "He works for a catering company three days a week. No way he's making that kind of dough." I knew he smoked pot and I figured he was selling a little bit, but I had nooooo idea how far in he was.) So what happened?

Well here's  the detailed story, but basically Jessie and Ben sold drugs, and Micah was their runner. Apparently Flagstaff is a lot more drug turfy than I thought, and Micah got the shit kicked out of him and some of his stuff stolen by another drug dealer (Justin, the kid they killed). Jessie and Ben were not particularly pleased with this, so the three of them devised a plan to get even with him. On July 10, 2008 (my 18th birthday, in case anyone was wondering - I had no idea until I started looking up articles) they got super loaded, grabbed a gun, snatched up Justin and drove him out to Woody Mountain road. Then Ben shot him in the back of the head, they emptied his pockets and then drove away. SCARY BANANAS. Technically Justin was on house arrest, so I don't even know what he was doing outside. It was just a really shitty situation for everyone involved.

Originally when they were arrested, all three of them were charged with first degree murder, kidnapping, armed robbery, and possession with intent to distribute. Here is an article about Jesse's sentencing (plus a picture of him. You can put a face to the name!). He was convicted of manslaughter and possession with intent to distribute and was sentenced to 8 and a half years in prison. I don't remember what Ben and Micah ended up being charged with and I'm too lazy too look, but I know that Ben got sentenced to life with a possibility of parole in 25 years, and Micah got 5 years. I think Micah's was actually supposed to be 8, but they took into account the time he had served in jail (Ben and Jesse's parents bailed them out, Micah's didn't).

The most bizarre part of this whole thing was the reaction of Jesse's parents. They're both very sweet people, and they had a really hard time dealing with the whole deal, especially Jesse's mom. They had a welcome home barbecue when they bailed Jesse out of jail, which was weird, but I went because I wanted to be supportive of his family and his mom is a really good cook. He was on house arrest until the trial started, and when he was sentenced to prison his parents threw him a going away barbecue. It was probably the weirdest and most uncomfortable thing that I have ever attended. I went with my mom (again, we wanted to show support and I was starving) and both of us were both like "omg what the hell is happening right now?!" It was like he was going off to camp! Everyone was so cheerful and eating food and I just wanted to be like "umm… guys remember a kid died, right? Someone is no longer living on this earth because of some dumbass decisions that Jesse and his dumbass friends made!!!" But that would have been really inappropriate, so I just sort of sat there. Well, I sat there until Jesse's parents handed out little cards they had made with the address of the prison on it in case we wanted to write or go visit. Guys, the cards had flowers on them. FLOWERS. At that point, both my mom and I were like "nope!" and bailed.

That was the last time I saw/had any sort of contact with Jesse, and that's the story of the time I went to prom with a guy who ended up being a super murderous drug dealer.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

How to ruin your life in paradise

Poor life choices: Yeah I'm just going to take that.
Me: Fuck.

Alcohol: Nope.
Me: Fuck.

Moped: Yeah I'm just going to crash real quick.
Me: Fuck.

Dr. Chang: Yeah your ACL is completely gone. You need surgery.
Me: Fuck.

Universe: Yeah that doesn't mean you're going to be making enough money to continue living here.
Me: Fuck.

Dad: Yeah everyone is just going to be super stressed out real quick.
Grandpa: The job is a little more  temporary than you thought.
Me: Fuck.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014


photo courtesy of

The internet is filled with inspirational quotes. One common theme in these quotes seems to be the idea that in order to find a career path that will truly make you happy, you just need to find a job that falls in line with your passions, and you're in business. You know that whole "do what you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life" deal. (Fun fact: while finding that picture I learned that the actual quote is "Find a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life" and it was said by Harvey Mackay). Well that's all fine and dandy, but what if you're not passionate about anything? 

Everybody around me has always had very obvious passions. Some of them are career related (my dad is an evolutionary biologist and he is clearly passionate about research), some of them aren't (my mom runs marathons like it ain't no thang), but the passions are clearly there. In high school, I was surrounded by people who were throwing themselves into what they were doing because they loved it. Two a day practices and club teams during off seasons for the athletes, musical groups like community band and drum corps for the musically inclined, countless other clubs for whatever someone's little heart desired. Basically if someone was super amped about something, there was a way for them to roll with it. I did band and played some sports, but I was never like "OH HOLY HOT DAMN THIS IS MY SHIT". I was more like "meh". 

The same thing happened in college. My Facebook feed was filled with people being like "OMG I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT __________!!! LOOK HOW I AM SHOWING MY PASSIONS!!!!!!!! IT IS SO AWESOME I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE HOW PASSIONATE I AM ABOUT THIS SUBJECT!!!!!!!!!" Seriously, everyone was in some sort of club or doing some sort of internship. And me? I majored in Political Science and International Affairs. Not because I am incredibly passionate about politics, but because I thought it was interesting. I did Model United Nations (real life: 95% of the reason that I did it was because of the Mary-Kate and Ashly Olsen movie "Winning London". And I was pretty disappointed. MUN was definitely glamorized in that movie. I did not go to London, I did not get swept off my feet by a beautiful british aristocrat, basically the Olsen twins lied to me) and it was fun, but I wasn't as into it as the other kids were. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was really cool, but the majority of the people were like "AAAAHHHHH FUCK YEAH UNITED NATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!" And internships? I was all about doing an internship in D.C. the summer between my junior and senior year, but none of the options really jumped out on me and then I got super overwhelmed and just went on a European adventure instead. Which was WAY MORE FUN THAN AN INTERNSHIP, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. So yeah. Everyone in college was all "OHMUHGAWD I LOVE THIS!!!!!" and I was like "meh". 

Now college is over, and a shitload of the people that I graduated with have turned their passions into careers. The most obvious example of this are the teachers. Excluding Cameron Diaz's character in "Bad Teacher", people who teach are obviously passionate about their jobs because they are sure as shit not doing it for the money. But there are others too. I have friends who are taking the Foreign Service Exam (obvi they're passionate about politics), people who are nurses or have moved onto medical school, and other people are like "LOOK AT ME DOING THE SPORTING ACTIVITIES I LOVE TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (A chick I grew up with is a national nordic ski racer). Also there's actually a reason that I keep putting everything in capital letters. I feel like with every picture someone posts and status they update, they're shouting at me that I can't figure out what the hell I'm passionate about. And me? I graduated and was like "meh". So I moved to Hawaii and we all saw how well that turned out. (Sorry Frank).

So what am I trying to say here? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT. There's definitely stuff that I like to do, but absolute passion? I guess the only thing that I can think of that comes close to that level of emotion is traveling. What else do I like? I like politics (duh) and I like making people laugh. GOT IT. I'M GOING TO BE A STAND UP COMEDIAN WHO PERFORMS ON AIRPLANES AND MAKES A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT POLITICS. 

Can you tell that thinking about the future sort of overwhelms me? Appreciate your passions people, because when you're 23 and haven't quite found them yet…………its scary bananas. 

Wednesday, February 5, 2014



I'm angry because I'm in South Dakota and not Hawaii.

I'm angry because its so cold outside.

I'm angry because I was so financially irresponsible in Hawaii.

I'm angry because I have no friends here.

I'm angry that my grandpa has to battle cancer again.

I'm angry because the crazy bitch on Teen Mom 2 has a boyfriend and I don't have any friends.

I'm angry that the majority of these Teen Moms seem to have their lives together a lot more than me.

I'm angry because I'm angry about Teen Mom.

I'm angry because everybody seems to have their lives together a lot more than me.

I'm angry because the heater in my dad's old jeep decided to stop working on the interstate this morning when it was -4 out.

I'm angry because I had a full on meltdown in the frozen car while driving to work.

I'm angry because I'm driving my dad's old jeep when everyone told me that my grandpa was going to let me borrow a car from the dealership.

I'm angry because I live with my dad and his wife after having lived on my own for the past 6 years.

I'm angry because people keep asking me if I miss Hawaii when its so cold outside.

I'm angry because my dad and his wife keep asking me what I would change if I could do Hawaii all over again. OBVIOUSLY I WOULDN'T SPEND ALL OF MY FUCKING MONEY OR CRASH  MY MOPED. 

I'm angry because whenever I try to express myself when I'm in a bad mood I start to cry.

I'm angry because I'm hiding in my room instead of eating dinner because I don't want to be around my dad or his wife because I don't feel like talking to anyone.

I'm angry because I feel guilty about not being as grateful for the free place to live and the job as I should.

I'm angry because I can't blame anyone else for this situation. It was entirely my fault. Except for the broken heater. I am not responsible for that shit.

I'm just SO ANGRY.