Tuesday, February 25, 2014

That one time Hannah got addicted to crack

Before anyone freaks out and calls my mom, don't worry. I'm not actually addicted to crack, or any other drugs. Also, I tried to look up a funny picture of drugs to put in this, but all I found was a bunch of scary pictures of people shooting up, and now I'm uncomfortable. Anyway, if I've never been addicted to any drugs, what's with the title?

I have no friends. And not in that "oh my gosh I actually know a lot of people but we're all busy with our lives so I feel like I have no friends" kind of way. I literally have no friends. Now you may be thinking "Hannah, your dad has lived in South Dakota since you were 13, and you spent every summer there until you were 17. How do you not have a single friend?!" Well…..simple, actually. When I came here I was a very angry teenager who had absolutely no desire to spend any amount of time in Butt hole, South Dakota with her dear old dad, so I was not very pleasant to be around. I did have some friends (exactly two of them) but as soon as I stopped spending all summer here, we fell out of contact. Whomp whomp.

Uhh…..cool story bro, but that still doesn't explain how you didn't get addicted to crack. One consequence of having no friends is boredom. Intense boredom. Netflix and books can only be substitutes for a social life for so long before it starts being pathetic, and I still haven't figured out how to make friends when I don't work with anyone my own age (the mechanics work in a different part of the building and I never see them), am not in school, and its so cold that nobody actually wants to be outside. So yesterday I sent a text to a friend that said "I am so fucking bored I am seriously considering developing a drug addiction just to have something to do". She laughed at me, and we both agreed that a drug addiction would be something to blog about. Ha! I also sent it to a couple of other people, because if you think of something that makes you laugh, why only share it with one person?

Obviously I'm not going to get addicted to drugs ("and then Hannah moved to South Dakota and developed a crippling heroin addiction due to mind numbing boredom" is a phrase that I just can't deal with), but this did get me thinking. And  you know what I realized? You can't become addicted to drugs if you have no friends! Think about it, how would you find the drugs in the first place?! I mean, in Hawaii it would have been easy enough. You go to the bars and 15 different people will offer you coke (AGAIN: I DIDN'T DO ANY COCAINE WHILE I WAS LIVING THERE), but South Dakota? I wouldn't even know where to start! You never hear a story where a drug addict is like "uhh…..yeah…..I was just hanging out by myself one time and I got bored and started to do crack". Nope. Its always "yeah me and my homies were hanging out and one of them pulled out a little baggie and I was like 'ok sure let's do some meth'". Does meth even come in a bag? I don't even know. All of my knowledge of meth comes from Breaking Bad.

So yeah. I'm so bored I contemplated an imaginary drug addiction, then realized that I can't become a junkie because I don't have any friends. Is it weird that I find that sort of depressing?

No comments:

Post a Comment