Monday, February 24, 2014

The what if game

In my entire life, I have never failed so spectacularly as I did in Hawaii. On that little island I failed in fiscal responsibility, I failed in love, and I have a couple of scars on my knee that show I certainly failed in my attempts to peacefully coexist with gravity. On top of all this failure I was also very, very happy. This may have been due in large part to the insane amount of vitamin D my skin was absorbing on the daily, but whatever. Happiness is happiness, and I miss it a lot.

I do this thing where I look at the pictures that I have of Hawaii a lot, and it is super unhealthy. I see the beaches, the bikinis, the rainbows, and the smiles, and I get this dull pain in my stomach which has convinced me that my soul is located slightly to the right of my belly button. Oahu didn't just steal a piece of my heart, that stupid island captured a piece of my soul. Another reason that looking at these pictures is super unhealthy is because they suck me into the absolute worst game in the history of ever……THE WHAT IF GAME.

  • What if I had been more responsible with my money? 
  • What if things had worked out with him? 
  • What if we hadn't moved to that apartment in Makiki? 
  • What if I hadn't crashed? 
  • What if I hadn't moved to Hawaii in the first place? 
  • What if…….what if…….what if…….???

Seriously, yo. Shit'll drive you crazy. 

1 comment:

  1. Hannah, one phrase I tell myself to help myself move on from shitty stuffs like that is: "The grass isn't always greener on the other side and even when it is, somebody's dog took took a shit there." Sometimes I still struggle with the what if game. and I tell myself, "from now on, I'm Han fucking Solo navigating the asteroid field of shitty shit in my life."