Thursday, February 27, 2014

Hannah's taking the next flight to Neverland

Y'all, being a grownup is hard. And I am so bad at it. Today was one of those days where it was blatantly obvious just how real the struggle is. So what happened? 

Actually, this whole thing sort of started yesterday when I went to the grocery store with my grandma. When I'm by myself, I always shop for groceries the same way. I go down every single aisle grabbing whatever catches my eye (I'm reallllllllllly bad about going to the grocery store hungry), then end up forgetting to get whatever it was that made me go to the store in the first place. Its sort of my thing. Going with my grandma was different. My grandparents are going out of town and I'm going to be house-sitting, and my grandma wanted to stock up the house so I don't starve to death, which is awesome. Unfortunately, the actual shopping experience was pretty embarrassing, because she was like "so, what kind of things do you want?" and I kind of panicked and was like "uhhhh……………cereal and spaghetti?". She gave me the all too familiar "Hannah how are you still alive?!" look, and then gently suggested different things to get ("well do you think you need some bread? What about other things for lunch?"). Thaaaaaaanks grandma. 

Today the struggle bus just kept on cruising, and I tried to plan out my life on a napkin. Don't believe me? Here's the proof: 

Yeah. That's my attempt to figure out my life on the back of a McDonald's napkin. A friend recently asked me if I wanted to move to Portland, so an attempt to make a budget turned into a pro/con list, which then turned into a mess. As can be seen by the artistically written "WHAT AM I DOING?!", the magical napkin did not end up helping me figure anything out. But at least I get points for trying, right?? Right. I'm giving myself 50 points for this one. 

The next stop on the hot mess express was when I tried to make lunch today. I've had some issues in the past (remember the time I managed to break the microwave plate in Hawaii? Yikes), but for the most part microwaves and I have always been a pretty good team. Today I brought one of those fancy (not ramen) Asian noodle bowls to make, and I was like "yeah! This is going to be tasty! I've made these before!" I don't know what happened this time, but it was a goddamn mess. I don't know if i put too much water in it or microwaved it for too long, but literally all of the water spilled out and flooded the microwave. Yeah! It took like 5 napkins to clean the whole thing up. Then I looked in the bowl to see if there was actually any water left in it, and discovered that not only was there no liquid left, but I had also left one of the little plastic flavor packets inside. Whoops. Then I added the other little packets, looked at the instructions again and learned that I was actually supposed to have put all of the stuff in before I microwaved it. So then I had to put even more water in it and microwave it again. Keep in mind, I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY MADE THIS STUFF BEFORE. But the important part is that it actually ended up tasting really good, even though I'm sort of convinced that I'm going to die of plastic poisoning. 

Ugh. How am I still alive?! 

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