Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Oscarfest 2014: Hannah's thoughts on social media

Hello my friends! Considering the majority of the people who read this are my friends from Facebook, I'm sure all of you were there for when I hosted the Academy Awards via social media Sunday night. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I got really bored right before the Oscar's started and decided to live-Facebook the entire thing. Two hours, 35 status updates (fo real), one bottle of wine, and countless pissed of FB friends later, I pretty much felt like I had helped Ellen Degeneres host the awards in the comfort of my pajamas. I even posted a picture of Pharrell and his dress shorts on Instagram. I don't understand how Twitter works, otherwise I would have been all over that too. Well, except when Ellen broke Twitter with her selfie. ANYWAY. Oscarfest 2014 made me think about my life on the internet, and I'm going to share them with you because duh.

I have such a love/hate relationship with social media. I love Facebook because it gives me a platform to share all the weird shit that happens in my life, make people laugh, and (most importantly) it allows me to creep on people that I haven't talked to since high school. Seriously, I am the biggest Facebook creep. The FBI should hire me, because I can find anyone on Facebook. Its sort of alarming. I love Instagram because it allows me to share funny pictures and the occasional selfie for when I'm feeling particularly pretty. Actually, that last bit is sort of a lie. I just checked my phone and my last couple selfies are not so cute. But whatever, I like posting pictures of my face. I am also an Instagram creep. If I follow you, happen to notice your name on a post from someone else, or you are a celebrity, chances are I have looked through and judged every one of your posts. Yeah, its a big old love fest between me, Facebook and Instagram. But….

I hate social media. Ugh. It makes me feel so bad about myself! Now I know everyone and their grandma has talked about this. You know the drill, you compare your everyday life to the highlight reel that everyone posts on Facebook and then you hate your life. Well, its sort of true. I know that not everyone has good days all the time, but I'm starting to feel like everyone I know is getting married, in a serious relationship, has their dream job (or at least a successful job that they enjoy), a dog, perfect skin, healthy lifestyles full of really delicious looking food that they cook, exercises a lot, and has a deep appreciation for all things coconut oil. And my Instagram feed is filled with pictures of my friends in Hawaii frolicking around on all the perfect beaches and I sort of just die a little inside every time I look at them. All of these things make me look at my life, and I feel like I'm standing in the corner being like "uhhh……..I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, I moved to Hawaii and blew all my money because I thought I was a baller, I blew out my ACL, I moved to South Dakota in the middle of winter, and I'm about to move to Portland without a solid plan. Oh, and I'm allergic to dogs". Oh, I also have a really intense hatred for the vague "OMG I'M SO SAD BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHY SO YOU HAVE TO ASK" status update. But that's not important.

So why do I keep it? Why don't I just log off and delete Facebook and Instagram off of my phone and go on living my life? Well, mostly because I would be bored and I'm really, really nosy. Also clearly I'm sort of an attention whore. Plus, where else could I force all of my opinions about Oscar's down the unwilling public's throat? So I hope everyone is down with hearing about my wierdo life, because this homegirl will be staying online.

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