"Everybody that I know is getting married, and I'm thinking about getting a fish."
I said these exact words yesterday while talking to one of my supervisors and a couple of my coworkers about the fact that we're at the age where a lot of people are getting married, and Facebook tends to be flooded with pictures of engagement rings and babies. Sometimes both, depending on the person.
Normally I'm pretty content with not having my shit together. Its nothing new for me, I've never been a planner. But every once in a while, I really sit down and evaluate my life, and then I sort of panic. This week has been one of those times. Facebook (really, at this point you'd think I would just delete it so I could feel better about my life, but then who would I share my funny stories with???) has just been bursting at the seams with people making announcements of career and life achievements, and for some reason I freaked out. Luckily I was not alone in this, because my roommate was feeling the exact same way, so we had some fun roomie bonding of "hey let's sit on your bed and talk about how we're not doing anything with our lives". It was super fun, I'm sure you're all really jealous. The funniest part of the whole thing is that for the first time since college, both of my parents are actually really amped with my life choices. They think that Portland is just the greatest place in the whole wide world, and could not be more proud of their sweet Hannah. Seriously, my mom pretty much wrote that last bit in her birthday card. This freaks me out a lot. Are they actually proud of me, or have they just given up on all of their career aspirations for me and are just excited that I'm able to pay rent and keep myself fed??? My mom recently had to bail me out a little when I had to get two new debit cards in two weeks (soooooooo stupid), so I have not been feeling very adult like.
Today was different. I woke up this morning and was like "I am a goddamn adult. I eat oatmeal for breakfast, I pay bills on time, I can totally be responsible for another life. Today I am going to buy a fish". Now for some people this might not be that big of a deal, but it is for me. When I was 19, I got a surge of domestic responsibility, and I went and bought a frog. I named him Reptar, and we lived happily for about a month, until he suddenly died and left me with a broken heart and a terrarium full of crickets. This was really upsetting. Then we had a string of ugly fish deaths in the Vieja (one got electrocuted, three were sort of forgotten about) and I was pretty nervous to be responsible for the life of something other than myself. But today I did it. I finally took the plunge and bought myself a pet fish. I got the fish, I got the bowl, I got the drops to make sure the chlorine in the water won't kill him, I even got him a ninja turtle figurine to make his fishbowl look extra badass.
.......Then I got home and realized that I had forgotten to buy any fish food.
Leonardo in all of his glory.