Monday, January 20, 2014


I think its because I generally show the common sense of a 6 year old, but one thing that a lot of people don't know about me is that I'm actually really smart. Like really smart. I blew both my SATS and ACTS out of the water, and I don't even remember taking them. No joke, because I was so out of my mind on painkillers for a broken ankle, I literally have zero memory of taking either of the tests. Apparently I had like a 20 minute conversation with some kid named Ozzie (no joke), and the only reason I found this out was because we both ended up going to NAU and he came up to me in the Union one day and was like "OMG I KNOW YOU FROM THE SATS!!!!!!" Then he proceeded to whip out all these facts about me ("Oh are you still doing band? How's your ankle? etc. etc.") and I was like "Uhhh……….what. Who are you?" It was embarrassing, but he ended up being kind of a dick, so it wasn't a huge loss. Anyway, the fact remains that I'm really smart. I could go into detail, but basically I made college my bitch.

I am also basically an expert on muscle atrophy. I'm too lazy to look up the actual definition, but its when you lose muscle mass because the muscle is not being used enough. It is seen mostly in patients who are on bed rest and have broken bones. Through a series of incredibly unfortunate events, I have been lucky enough to have serious muscle atrophy in not one, but both of my legs. Everyone already knows about my knee (later skater to my left quad - its still definitely smaller, but you can only tell if you're really looking), but as mentioned in the above story about being high as shit during the SATS, I also broke my ankle in high school. Technically it was my right ankle and all the bones across the top of my foot, so I was in a hard cast for THREE MONTHS. Yeah, it sucked just as much as it sounds, and my right leg was basically non-exisitant. It took me a couple minutes to get it back. 


I'm sure the 2 people who actually read this are sitting there going "HANNAH GET TO THE FUCKING POINT!!!!" So I will. The point of those two paragraphs was to express the fact that I am smart and know enough about muscle atrophy to accurately describe what is happening to me: 

Y'all, I'm pretty sure my brain is starting to atrophy. 

Seriously, since graduating college I have gotten fucking stupid. Despite taking multiple years of economics, I have a hell of a time with basic math, and don't even get me started on how often I lose stuff. I swear to the sweet baby Jesus, I lose my phone the second I put it down. Also passwords. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I will forget a password as soon as I am finished typing it. I don't even want to know how many times I've had to call the bank to be like "uh…….yeah I there. I need to reset my password…….again". One time I called TWO TIMES IN ONE DAY. I also have developed some weird issues with reading, like I'll read a word completely wrong. But I think that's because the 99.9% of the time I'm just skimming shit, and apparently my brain has the same auto-correct capabilities as an iPhone with a slight learning deficiency. 

On the real though, I definitely need to read more and possibly apply for some sort of further education endeavor, because this is getting ridiculous. 

1 comment:

  1. This is how I get in summertime when I'm not taking classes. It happens almost instantly!