Friday, June 14, 2013

Things I learned from being hurt Vol. 1

WARNING: This post is mostly me bitching about stuff. Volume 2 (if it ever happens) might be good things that I learned, but this is not that list. Shall we?

1. Things you can't do with a busted knee: hike, surf, paddle board, beach volleyball, soccer, running, basically any sort of fun physical activity. Things you can do with a busted knee: physical therapy, sitting on the beach, sitting on a paddle board, video games, drink. Notice how those lists don't exactly match up? Yeah Hawaii is not awesome when you're hurt. Nobody comes here with the strong desire to stay inside all day. And you can only play Super Mario for so long before you actually start to think that you're Mario.

2. People are nosy when it comes to injuries. I understand that humans are inherently curious, and we all have that desire to slow down and stare when we drive past a car accident. Unfortunately for me, in this situation I'm the car accident, and everybody here has this inherent need to slow down and stare. Everyone wants to know what I did, how I did it, and if I have medical insurance. Yeah, that's a thing. Is it normal for people to ask questions like that?! Take it from me, unless you are offering to pay that person's medical bills if they don't have insurance, don't ask about it. Its none of your business, and its sort of offensive. Also, nobody wants to hear your injury stories, and the pity looks just make me want to punch you in the face. Sorry, I'm  done with my rant now.

3. I don't like being helped. I always knew that I was independent, but my knee has taught me that I might be independent to a fault. I have had people offer to carry things upstairs for me, offer me an arm to help me balance, pick things up when I drop them, carry me into the water, and I have even had multiple people offer to carry me upstairs. This is all well and good and I realize that they are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, but I HATE it. So much. The only time that I've actually accepted the help was the time at Dave & Buster's when I had to take the stairs and my knee hurt so badly I thought I was going to pass out. Even then, I was not very nice to the person who helped me. (If you're reading this, I'm really sorry. I was a huge bitch and you didn't deserve it). It is something that I am trying to work on.

4. People can be creepy, but I have to give them points on being creative. I have had some of the most bizarre pickup lines because of my knee. My absolute favorites? "Oh girl, you wanna play doctor? I bet I can get that knee to bend." and "Hey have you met my friend? He's got a bum knee and a bum wrist, but his dick still works! You guys could have cute, gimpy babies!" Its been pretty entertaining. I also appreciated the man who told me that my knee brace "made my dress look good". I'm not 100% sure what that means, but I'm assuming its a compliment. Oh! And there was a guy who took pictures of my brace because the stickers on it were "artistic". I don' know when Batman and whales started being art, but then again, I'm pretty sure someone shit in a jar and sold that as art, so there you go.

5. The beach and the ocean always make me feel better. Despite the fact that I had a billion pounds of sand in my brace which totally messed up the velcro situation, sitting on the beach is incredibly cathartic. I highly recommend it to anyone who has anything on their minds. Plus sometimes you see a sea turtle, and that is just wonderful. Also cupcakes. Sitting on the beach and eating a cupcake might be the best thing ever.

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